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Monday, February 14, 2011

At Your Convenience

Use me for your pleasure...that's exactly how you like it. Go ahead and use me at your convenience and as if I am not human and have no feelings. My priorities are not as important as yours. I am not in control of me...YOU are. So use me up! Drain me dry! ...Guess you can take what's left of ME...I should say...

I loved you with every breath inside of me. Loved you with my mind; my body; and my soul. Gave you my everything and put my heart on the line because I thought that you were just as into me. Now, I am not a very sensitive person, and everyone who knows me know that fact about me. But YOU--you played with my emotions by pretending to love me, and that shit tore me apart...I think that is what hurt me the most.

You were ungrateful, nothing I ever did satisfied you. I should have given up right from the start. But I tried to give love a chance, but love has never loved me back so what in the hell was I thinking?!

I do not know how much longer I can endure this pain. My heart is heavy and my brain is clouded. My body is numb because I have been overworked with stress. But you can continue to use me at your convenience because for you there are no side effects. After all, you get your pleasure at my my expense...

Friday, February 4, 2011


Today has been wasted. The month has come and gone and the days therein were all wasted. And now that I think about it, the whole year has been a total waste.

I have not done anything for the past 52 weeks...have not accomplished anything worthwhile. And what dreams I had have all crumbled and died long ago. I am useless to those around me...and I know so because they have told me. I am a nobody...trying to be someone in life but I have failed tremendously and am a NOBODY. I can not stand being around myself honestly because I sit in solitude day in and out doing Nothing. I make me SICK...

There is an old saying that "time is money" and "lost time is money wasted"...hmmph! Well if that phrase was reversed and money was made while time is wasted, I would be well off by now.

I plan but never execute. Talk the talk all day but never even get up to begin the walk. I am motivated one minute and am excited about life, but get instantly broken down when faced with reality again. I am troubled because I have no clue of where I am and where I want to be. I do not even know who I am anymore.

I have been thinking about these things for the past year and it has gotten me nowhere as you can see. So this must end today because I have wasted enough time and do not want to continue to waste away.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

When No One Loves You Back

     It was as sweet as candy, and as smooth as silk....the love that we shared together was as beautiful as the night that we fell into it. Oh, the memories, sweet memories... of our burning passion were alive and constantly ran through my mind, and I just knew it from the start that you would always be mine....until the day you left me. What a fool was I to believe that we would be together forever!?! Mistaking lust for love and being played in the end. ...Seriously thought you loved me...really thought you cared. Then you left me with a broken heart and now the pieces I have to try and mend.

     Ever loved someone so hard and so much that you gave your all to them?...Your heart, and soul...gave them everything, to only find out that they were no longer interested and had moved on long ago...Isn't it funny how we never get the memo? I can not believe how much I loved you, and how I looked past your flaws and into your eyes, dug deep inside of you to see your heart. I saw you for more than what you had to offer me. But when I stop and think about it...I realize that you never loved me back. I just hate that it took me so long...hate the fact that you wasted so much of my life.

     My mind and heart will not let me love anyone wholeheartedly anymore because you took that part of me when you used and tossed me to the side. I guess this is what it feels like when the one you loved does not love you back anymore....